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| Relationship Advice |
I came across this post longtime ago from Kevin Djakpor’s Blog with the caption: “RICHEST BLACK WOMAN, Folorunsho Alakija SAYS, MY MOTHER IN-LAW DIDN’T LIKE ME BUT I TREATED HER LIKE MY HUSBAND WOULD.”
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Before I begin to draw out the life changing lessons from this write up, something strikes me. The last line in the heading: “…But I treated her like my husband would.” Let me ask, how many of our modernized women would want to treat their mother-in-law just the way their husband would do. If you understand the love of a mother to her children, then you will understand this.
Now, let me say this, no matter how your in-laws hated you, the best way to win them over, is to still shower them with love inspite of their presumed hating. Sometimes, their hating, is their presumed ways to win your love and also test your real person if actually, you are worthy of their trust and love.
In continuation from the article which began thus: “After almost four decades of silence, Nigerian-born globe’s richest black woman, Mrs Folorunsho Alakija, has revealed the many pains, rejections and frustrations she had to bear with equanimity in the hands of her mother in-law, prior and after their marriage.”
And I say, marriage is all about taking in the pains, the frustration and the many insults that come with it. Do not feel it is all a bed of rose. It has it roses and thorns too. Actually, you need both to make it a perfect union. Learn to take it as it comes. Live with it and face it without regret. When you are in it, block your ears and eyes to negative attitudes that will spring up. If you are focus and centre it on love, you will always smile no matter the challenges. Remember, the reason for this is that it will never be permanent but temporal. Speaking to a jam-packed church, she said her mother in-law never wanted a Yoruba woman and Muslim as a daughter in-law. This is what she said:
“My husband’s mother was Igbo, while her dad was from South-West here. And because of this, my mother in-law never wanted a Yoruba woman to marry her son. She was not comfortable also with my Muslim background then. She wanted an Igbo daughter in-law, but my husband said it’s me or nothing”.
Looking at it critically, we can see where her Mother-in-law was coming from – the element of tribe, religious background and whom she wanted as a daughter-in-law. I like what she said at the last sentence. “…but my husband said it is me or nothing”. Really sometimes, it is not of essence to be a mummy’s boy when your destiny is at stake. It is good to muster all the courage within you to take a decision. Men be wise!
In continuation of her speech, she said, “It was a tough battle until God finally prevailed… Whenever she wanted something from my husband and was not getting it immediately, she would start attacking me and saying I’m the one stopping her son from doing her bidding”.
When your in-laws seems not to like your face, bear it in mind that all the troubles in the house, will be a reference to you as the architect of it all. Yours is to take it as it comes and do the one thing that is needful. Take it all to God in prayer. Prayer is the key. Do not let anyone deceived you, when you pray; there is nothing that will ever be impossible. Prayer moves mountain. It is the secret key to unlock every difficult time and marriage for it is no exception.
Still speaking further, she said, “It was also an issue when she asked for a baby girl from me and I could not give her. I have four boys in my marriage… at some point, I was encouraged to fight back by my husband, but I refused and kept praying to God to change her”.
Marriages come with its ups and downs. The issue of children is sometimes a big blow that brings down the undying love that exists between couples. Maturity in marriages is tested on this ground. It takes love and understanding for the couples to pass the temptation that comes in here. Pressure will come from external forces and the very ones within. Now is the time for the couple to show love and not to find fault. Togetherness at this point is much more needed. Even when her husband at a point encouraged her to fight back, she refuses and kept praying to God to change her. Like I said before, prayer is the key to make a permanent change in any given situation.
In continuation of her speech, she said, “Despite my mother in-laws opposition towards me, I made sure we took her to US and UK on holidays with us severally and kept showering her with unconditional love. My joy is that we settle before she passed on”.
Nobody wins a fight when both sides are hot. The voice of reason should supersede every other reason. When both sides claim to be right, then there is war all the way. The joy of any woman is to have a peaceful home where unconditional love reigns. And you can bring love down when gift is involved. Learn to shower him or her that seems not to like you with gift. If there is anything that will make a way for you, your gift is a sure bet.
There is no one that is a heart of stone. The way we communicate even when we know that we are hurt is a plus to making our relationship with our enemy a blessing that is to our advantage. Communication is a key here to winning such heart. Just show that you genuinely care and see everything falling in pleasant places.
After recounting what she when through with a voice filled with emotions, the article added. “Alakija, who was visibly emotional and was moved to tears, while her intimidating resume was being read, also challenged husbands, to continually support, provide and pamper their wives with unconditional love and affection”.
The heart of a woman is always filled with emotion. It takes tenderness to discover the weak point of every woman. Dear husbands, some words of love for you there like she said; support, provide and pamper your wife with unconditional love and affection. When you love and with love, you can win every heart to yours. Love covers it all. It makes room for forgiveness. It gives to us an edge that foolishness of thoughts would never. No hard man’s thought here. Just love because it is a commandment to love. Try it with sincerity of purpose and see your life becomes a rewarding treasure house.
“No marriage survives without love, respect and support from the couple,” Alakija insists. She also maintains that these “special secrets” were the ingredient that keeps endearing her darling husband to her, thus helping to renew and strengthen their undying love for each other on a daily basis.
Again! Love, respect and support – that is the key factor to build a lasting relationship. Respect comes as a result of love. What you love, you respect and would want to do anything to protect it. Money in this case, has nothing to do with love. Before the money drops, love is the key to building a home and also to keep it going from strength to strength. If you can build and share love with your spouse on a daily basis, sincerely even in crisis, you will always find time to laugh it off and continue sharing your happy moment.
In as much as we strive to make the money, we should also strive to let unconditional love reign in our home. Try to put away anything that will make your relationship suffers. Let the love of God be the basis to which you build your home.
She said further, “My husband is my best friend, biggest adviser and supporter. We’ve known each other for 40 years and have been married for 37 years now with four boys”.
The biggest mistake we make is to trust the outsider than even our spouse. Who tells you that the issues you have cannot be resolved between both of you. What is the need of a third party? If you have a secret, no matter how hurt it sounds, our spouse should be the one to know. This might be hard knowing as it is sometimes said that it is not everything you tell your spouse. Hiding it punishes your thoughts. And revealing it, there should be an understanding between spouses. It shouldn’t be what could be used as a tool to play down on the other. We should be the best keeper of our spouse’s secret when they mustered the courage to reveal them. Nobody is a 100% saint when it has to do with our past.
Also she added, “Even though we work in the same office, I always ensure that we kiss twice in a day, morning and night. I still wash his undies until six years ago that he insisted I should stop”.
A little kisses here and there. You know the magic in it. It relaxes the mind and it got to show that someone deeply cares about us. And you know what; it sometimes prepares the mind on what to come next. Wink!
I know it is not all spouses that like’s to kiss. But you can’t truly love your spouse without sacrificing some moment for it. A kiss tells the other that you love him. It simply connects you together. Do not be old fashioned about it. No sentiment please. Doing the washing! Even if you have the machine to do it, sometimes, help each other with your hands. It shows that you are not ashamed of anything no matter your position and what people might say. True love suffers no shame.
She went further to say, “I also prepare his special vegetable dish, does his manicure and pedicure regularly. I also go to the airport to pick him whenever he is returning from foreign trips.”
Cooking! I love good food even though I am not particular about any. Women, it is said that there are two ways to a man’s heart, good cooking and good sex with the capital letters. If you are so spiritual about the later, it has nothing to do with it if you are couples. Know what is up and do it right. And if you can’t cook, ask for help. And be teachable. For the later, again, teach each other. No one knows it all. Cooking is not only the duty of the wife. Husband on good time, help your wife out. If you are around during the process of it, help out in the kitchen. Those little things make your love go round.
In conclusion, she said, “It gives me joy whenever his friends praise my vegetable dish based on what my husband tells them during discussion…” she further discloses with a gentle smile on her famous face, urgent women to be loving and submissive to their husbands.”
Appreciation is also the lasting key factor that will make love continuously go around. Men, when your wife gives you a delicious meal; just a little words of appreciation for her good cooking shouldn’t escape your mouth. When you appreciate and also let your friends know, you create a dying pride in the heart of your wife to also do more and to satisfy your ever increasing needs. And for the women, submission is the key to winning your husband’s heart. Submit first even when you know he is wrong. When you first submit with love and later made him to understand why it shouldn’t be so, you create in him the worth that he is valued.
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